7 Signs You Are A Typical Nigerian (Must Read)

Hey guys, I didn't write this article but a friend did, so you wanna be sure if truly you are Nigerian? Then this article is for you...lol, remember you can also send your articles to ocbvibez@gmail.com So let's read and have fun! IRepNaija.

1. You ‘shower’ with bucket and bowl.

LOL! Shower… 

If you have engaged in the process of bending down repeatedly to convey water from the bucket to your body instead of watching it fall freely; if you have never been able to breakdance properly in the bathroom because one of your hands is occupied holding a bailer; if, my dear reader, you ‘fetched’ your bath water, you…Look, if you actually wondered what “bailer” is….forget it, you are Nigerian. You know say na “baffing bowl” e be. 

“Only Nigerians know when the shower water is about to finish, because they can see it.” – Pete Edochie I, Actor, Nigerian.

 

2. You speak ‘Nigerian’

First off, if you answer a question with an even deeper, usually rhetorical question, you are Nigerian. For example, You answer with “don’t you see me standing here waiting for bus?!” when someone asks you something as simple as, "Is this the bus stop"

The Nigerian language is much more than the words; it’s an attitude. It’s how you’re aggressive when the conductor holds on to your change longer than normal. It’s how you look when your friend is speaking dust and you want them to know how brilliantly stupid they are without having to speak. 

Also, if you have ever shouted “Shaimannn!” or “My bros” or you regularly close your questions with “ehn”, “abi”, “shey”, “no be so” instead of a normal question mark like every other human being, just so everyone knows you’re “omo iya”…. 

Lastly, if you are naturally sarcastic, you’re Nigerian!

3. Your Mosquito Kill Count is in quadruple digits.

If you can kill a mosquito consciously without waking up…I mean you’re still asleep and your hands move to the exact spot the mosquito will be (not where it actually is, but where it is headed) and kill it, without waking up, you’re not a ninja, you’re simply Nigerian. 

Years of co-habitation and engagement with these blood suckers has sharpened our reflexes so much, it ain’t a thing.  If you’re naturally drawn to mosquitoes and can’t see one without feeling like you’re doing mother earth a favour by killing it, then yes sir, you’re from Nigeria.

4. Up NEPA!!!

If the word “NEPA” is preceded by the word “Up” your first instinct is to do what the first word says and look up at your bulb that just lit…well, up, then you’re Nigerian. 

It doesn’t even help that the power company have tried to rebrand all in a bit to discourage this behavior but no, Nigerians have blatantly refused to conform.
If you’re the one that announces that there is now power in the area to the whole neighborhood, you’re even more Nigerian than you thought. 

NB: There is one ‘town crier’ in every neighborhood. So if you look around and you can’t identify any, it’s probably you....

5. You are always Haggling.

Yes, you. You’re probably confused. You probably haven’t heard that word before. You definitely know it as ‘pricing‘. Every time you are told the price of an object, something clinks in your head and you offer a price that’s at least 70% lower than the initial price. 

You people just price away like your dignity depends on it. Pricing everything from Hospital bill to tax. “How much last?”, “You no wan sell market?”, and “Haba, customer, you no go do Christmas for us?” 

Yes…You price unconsciously. Price clothes, price shoes, price food, price at shoprite. You think Mr. Price is a place where you can sharpen your negotiation skills...Yep, you’re Nigerian!

6. You eat rice. Everyday…

7. Disrespect for order.

See how the title says “6 ways to know you’re Nigerian” then goes ahead to list 7 ways? And didn’t even bother to explain one entry? That’s because the authors of this post are both Nigerian and we all know good Nigerians cannot follow order and due process. 

You know you’re Nigerian if every time you see a long ass queue your mind begins to scan the line to see if you recognize your uncle’s sister-in-law’s professor’s first child’s Facebook friend on the queue so you don’t have to maintain law and order. 

You also don’t know what a red light looks like until you’re stopped by officials who will only let you go when you drop something. ‘Dropping something’ is a way of life.
You just can’t overtake in traffic without throwing a curse or looking in the other car. And if by mistake, someone scratches your car; you just have to park in the middle of the road, come down, look at the scratch (all while causing a mad traffic jam) and then cause a scene.  

OMG! Do you run when you see others running and then ask why you’re running minutes later? Then You’re a real Nigerian.!

Credit: Vixenpixie