Women – you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. Although a catchy aphorism, it’s rather useless.
If
you can’t live with a woman or without her, then you’re basically
screwed. Fortunately, it is most definitely possible to form a bond with
a lover strong enough to last a lifetime.
The real trick is understanding whether or not the woman is – for lack of a better phrase – a keeper.
While
each man will be attracted to a different sort of woman, there are a
couple of signs that you should pay especially close attention to.
Call
me old-fashioned, but I believe a man should only get married once.
Here are a couple of ways of knowing that the woman you’ve found may
very well be the last woman you’ll ever need:
1 You trust her.
Although
a given, trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship. What’s most
important to keep in mind is how fragile the trust between two
individuals is – especially between two individuals who are intimately
involved with each other.
When one person
breaks the other’s trust, it causes pain. The more someone trusts the
person – the more he or she cares – and the more it will hurt once that
trust is broken.
Such pain leaves gaping
scars that can take eternity to heal. If you found a woman whom you
trust entirely and, more importantly, a woman with whom you can’t
imagine breaking that trust, then you may have found the one.
She’s a positive force in your life rather than a negative influence.
This
is something that I am nearly embarrassed to say took me a long time to
comprehend. Truth be told, I only came to understand it recently. When
you’re in love, it can be difficult to understand exactly how an
individual impacts your life.
Because love is as blinding and distracting
as it is, realizing the negative impact a person has on you can be
almost impossible.
There are people in
your life who will support you, criticize you constructively, and help
you learn. Then there are those who will point out flaws with such a
negative tone that it’s perfectly evident that their only wish is to
hurt you.
If your woman is the latter, then break away as soon as you can; the relationship will only bring you pain and misery.
She believes in you, motivating you to believe in yourself.
Let’s
say that we are lucky enough to live to 80. That’s roughly 29,000 days…
29,000 days that you should get up and push ahead in life with full
force. Finding a way to motivate yourself day in and day out can be a
daunting task – if not impossible altogether.
However,
finding the right woman to help motivate you can make the difference
between the realization of your dreams and continuous failure. The ideal
woman is a woman who motivates you both actively and passively to be,
and to do, better.
One of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon a man is a reason to be a better man.
Your life is much better with her than it is without her.
Emotions
aside, the woman you ought to marry is the woman who adds to your life
and doesn’t simply take away from it. Again, this can be a difficult
differentiation to make, but it is one of dire importance.
Your
emotions can lead you to believe that you need a woman that, in
reality, you would be better without. You need to take a step back and
decide whether your life is better or worse with her as a part of it.
She never makes excuses when you need her.
Dependability, although often incorporated with trust, is a beast of its own.
Is
your woman the kind of woman whom you can depend on? Will she be there
for you not only when you are at your best, but likewise when you’re at
your worst?
Will she stay by your side or
will her love waver the minute the waters turn rough? Some women are
more interested in what you can do for them than what you mean to them.
The sex is really, really good.
There
is a certain level of physical chemistry that I believe necessary for a
marriage to work. This is one reason I could never understand remaining
celibate until after the wedding day – if the sex is really bad then
you’re going to have a difficult time being happy within the
partnership.
Some people say that they
don’t care much for sex… I’d say that this is because they’ve never had
mind-blowing sex before. Although you may be able to get away with
ignorance as bliss, why settle for less?
You both want the same things in life.
This
is yet another crucial aspect of relationships that many overlook until
it’s too late. It’s easy to love a woman when you don’t fully
understand her – and to understand her, you have to understand exactly
what it is that she wants out of life.
What does she want to do? Experience? Accomplish? What are her goals? Her dreams? Her wants? Her passions?
Too
often we don’t realize that, although theoretically we may be
compatible as individuals, our ideal lifestyles aren’t compatible. It’s
difficult to spend your life with someone when the paths you need to
take separate.
You love each other deeply.
Before
you go ahead and say, “Yes, of course we do!,” make sure that you
understand what loving deeply means. To love deeply is to love twofold –
it’s to love romantically and to love in the form of agape.
To
truly love each other is to love not only who the person is as an
individual, but also to love what that person means to you. You have to
love the person for who that person is as well as what that person does
for you.
The common definition of love, to love unconditionally, is wrong. We all love conditionally whether we like to admit it or not.
The
deepest love is a love that can combine both unconditional and
conditional love to form a bond that cannot be broken by outside force –
a mutual love that can last the test of time.
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